Why Your Children Shouldn’t Be Your Own

The case for elective gamete donation

I wish to have kids, but I do not want them to be mine. That does not mean that I will adopt. Instead, I will find someone who I consider better than me in relevant ways, and have them provide the genetic material. I think that it would be immoral not to, and that it is impossible not to think this way after thinking seriously about it. 

First, we need to establish the large effect that genes have on outcomes. Everything is substantially heritable, from height to obesity to intelligence to work ethic to happiness. What’s more, good things are correlated with other good things, so that in spite of gene quality being many dimensioned, there is not much in the way of tradeoffs. The supposed tradeoff between happiness and intelligence, for example, is purely an artifact of convenience samples of Mensa members, an organization which selects for smart people who have accomplished nothing of note. 

It is unlikely that you possess the best combination of traits that a person would want to have. You’re probably pretty smart, but not as smart as other people; quite healthy, but not as healthy as others; not as charming, not as dedicated, not as personable, as others. There are 8 billion people in this world – what are the odds that you are the best? 

Consider it from your child’s perspective. There are many people who they could be born to. Who would they pick? Do you have any right to deny them the father they would choose? It would be like kidnapping a child – an unutterably selfish act. You have a duty to your children – you must act in their best interest, not yours.

It is always considered immoral to harm children. Would you not consider it a harm to give your child brain damage? Would you not consider it a harm to increase their risk of cystic fibrosis? Would you not consider it a harm to make your kid fat? To have the ability to act, and not, is to cause the harm, in the same way that seeing a car bearing down on your child and not pulling them out of the way is causing them to die. If there were a way you could make your child’s life better, and you did not do it, in what sense do you love them? Are they individuals, or are they your playthings? 

The justice of the argument is clear to me. I have already made arrangements for my children to come to not be genetically mine. When the time comes, I will call upon their aid, presuming the sequencing does not tell us there are incompatibilities; and we will select embryos to maximize the quality of life for my child to come. 

What are the counterarguments? If more people did this, and it were the same people doing it, then we would have to be concerned about inbreeding, of course. On the margin, though, the odds of accidental cousin marriage are minuscule. I also think it unlikely that you would love your children any less for them not being yours. Parents love kids that they’ve adopted just the same. If you truly believe that you wouldn’t love them, then don’t do it. That attitude seems vile to me, though. Would you disown your child if it turned out that it was not yours? Are you a lion, who eats the cubs of another father, or are you human? I think we can be better than this. Do the right thing.