Why Your Children Shouldn’t Be Your Own
The case for elective gamete donation
I wish to have kids, but I do not want them to be mine. That does not mean that I will adopt. Instead, I will find someone who I consider better than me in relevant ways, and have them provide the genetic material. I think that it would be immoral not to, and that it is impossible not to think this way after thinking seriously about it.
First, we need to establish the large effect that genes have on outcomes. Everything is substantially heritable, from height to obesity to intelligence to work ethic to happiness. What’s more, good things are correlated with other good things, so that in spite of gene quality being many dimensioned, there is not much in the way of tradeoffs. The supposed tradeoff between happiness and intelligence, for example, is purely an artifact of convenience samples of Mensa members, an organization which selects for smart people who have accomplished nothing of note.
It is unlikely that you possess the best combination of traits that a person would want to have. You’re probably pretty smart, but not as smart as other people; quite healthy, but not as healthy as others; not as charming, not as dedicated, not as personable, as others. There are 8 billion people in this world – what are the odds that you are the best?
Consider it from your child’s perspective. There are many people who they could be born to. Who would they pick? Do you have any right to deny them the father they would choose? It would be like kidnapping a child – an unutterably selfish act. You have a duty to your children – you must act in their best interest, not yours.
It is always considered immoral to harm children. Would you not consider it a harm to give your child brain damage? Would you not consider it a harm to increase their risk of cystic fibrosis? Would you not consider it a harm to make your kid fat? To have the ability to act, and not, is to cause the harm, in the same way that seeing a car bearing down on your child and not pulling them out of the way is causing them to die. If there were a way you could make your child’s life better, and you did not do it, in what sense do you love them? Are they individuals, or are they your playthings?
The justice of the argument is clear to me. I have already made arrangements for my children to come to not be genetically mine. When the time comes, I will call upon their aid, presuming the sequencing does not tell us there are incompatibilities; and we will select embryos to maximize the quality of life for my child to come.
What are the counterarguments? If more people did this, and it were the same people doing it, then we would have to be concerned about inbreeding, of course. On the margin, though, the odds of accidental cousin marriage are minuscule. I also think it unlikely that you would love your children any less for them not being yours. Parents love kids that they’ve adopted just the same. If you truly believe that you wouldn’t love them, then don’t do it. That attitude seems vile to me, though. Would you disown your child if it turned out that it was not yours? Are you a lion, who eats the cubs of another father, or are you human? I think we can be better than this. Do the right thing.
I am absolutely baffled by this. The counter argument is that you are arguing for eugenics, and that nature got us to this point the old fashioned way. I am not here to tell you what to do or not do, but to feign confusion and horror at the way evolution has always worked seems intentionally inflammatory and attention grabbing... not to mention very illogical. Despite attempts to present it as obvious and without reasonable detraction.
Love how contrary this post is to everything I have acted on in my life as the father of 18 year old twins. I fathered them with the cooperation of their biological mother. She is a full sd better than me at almost everything, including intelligence. She's at least as attractive as I am on many social & physical dimensions.
If I factor in the quality of the bio mother's genes, my kids are blessed that the smartest, most attractive person I have ever dated agreed to have kids together with me.
I predict you will lose a great proportion of the women you might aspire to raise a family with, if they are not aroused/attracted/into starting a family in such an unusual way.
If your strategy filters down the pool of candidate mothers, that loss could hurt your potential offspring most.
I have found our species' animal drives profoundly helpful in getting me to persist in the whole crazy parenting project. Raising kids felt just as fun to me as making them was. There's no avoiding some strains as a parent, even though I evangelize my peers to adopt Bryan Caplan-ian negligence. Even after putting neglect to practice, my kids still wrench my heart, inflame my strongest ire, inspire my most devoted work.
If my kids didn't RESEMBLE me, esp in terms of their musical & intellectual tastes, my devotion to them would be lower than it has been. And if my devotion at crucial times did benefit them, it would have lapsed w/o my homophily, which I tend to lump under shared genetics.